Conspiracy
by Grav
Summary: Mystery abounds when Nick discovers a startling correlation between the visitor lists of Jason Kent and Jesus Cardeñas. Pandemondium ensues. Take with a grain of salt.


A.N. You know how we have those "If you were marooned with one episode" questions? Well, last week I was all alone with Play With Fire, Inside the Box and a VCR with freeze frame capabilities. And here you have it.  
  
Review unto others as you have them review unto you. (Translation: I don't flame, and if you flame me, it will be mocked Under the Bridge.)  
  
Disclaimer: I am running out of witty ways to say I don't own CSI. I still don't by the way.  
  
Spoilers: Play With Fire, Inside the Box, Strip Strangler, Face Lift, And Then There Were None, The Finger, To Halve and To Hold, Pledging Mr. Johnson, The Emmy Nominations 2003.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
~Conspiracy~  
  
"Jesus Cardeñas and Jason Kent were two prisoners with the same taste in visitors." Nick said, brandishing two pieces of paper.  
  
"Alison Carpenter," stated Grissom.  
  
"Well yeah, but I found something even better." Nick smiled with glee. "Look at this."  
  
He handed Grissom the papers and the supervisor read over them quickly.  
  
"Wow," said Grissom, quite uncharacteristically. However, since this was becoming common, Nick let it pass. "How is this even possible?"  
  
"I'm not sure. But it's kind of cool don't you think?"  
  
"What's cool?" asked Sara, finally rounding the corner and entering the same room as Grissom in hopes that the dorky soundtrack would stop. Nick passed her the list.  
  
"Rick Culpeper?" Sara exclaimed. "Why would he visit them? And isn't Melissa Marlow dead?"  
  
"Weird eh?" Nick said.  
  
"It's more than weird," said Grissom. "I think that there's something sinister going on here."  
  
"Well yeah," said Sara sarcastically. "Unless Kent and Cardeñas just needed to understand the meaning of Christmas."  
  
"What?" said Grissom, sounding confused.  
  
"She's drawing parallels between our case and classical literature," explained Nick as though he were talking to a four-year-old. "D'you think you're the only one who's allowed to do that?"  
  
"No," said Grissom, but he pouted and pretended not to hear them for a while.  
  
"Hey Nick," said Greg, sticking his head into the room. "I finished cross checking those names for you."  
  
Greg gave Nick a list of papers and was about to take his shaking hands back to the DNA lab when Sara stopped him.  
  
"Hey Greg, since your name is in the credits now, you're allowed to stick around for case debriefings."  
  
"Yeah, but no witty quips. Those are for Grissom and people whose lives are falling apart," Warrick said, looking dejected. "Enjoy it while you can."  
  
"OK, can we get back to topic here?" Nick asked, eager to show off about something other than birds and Chinese food.  
  
"Fire ahead."  
  
"Who are we firing?" asked CATHERINE WILLOWS as she sashayed into the Break Room exuding an air of regality.  
  
"Catherine, it's convenient that you're here," said Nick. "I have some interesting news which, if I ever get to share it with you, will rock the lab."  
  
Greg's hands started shaking.  
  
"Metaphorically, Greggo."  
  
"Spit it out Nick," Sara said.  
  
"You see," Nick began, "All of these people have something in common. Melissa Marlow, aka Tammy Felton: tricked Catherine and brought out the single mother in her. Rick Culpeper: played Catherine's ambitions to become supervisor against her loyalty to Grissom. Darren Pyne: killed in an infidelity case a while back that contrasted with a with a happy marriage, which made Catherine feel inferior. Roy Logan: cheating husband who tricked Catherine into covering up a murder. And Phil Swelco: killed by a jealous husband who was misinformed by Catherine."  
  
There was a pregnant pause.  
  
"So, you're saying all these people who visited the prison around the time I blew up the lab and decided on a whim that Sam Braun was my father are out to get me?" Catherine asked incredulously.  
  
"No," said Sara. "It sounds to me like they just want to make sure you have as much drama in your life as possible."  
  
There was another moment of silence in which all the CSIs assumed thoughtful expressions. It was punctured by a bright flash of light and a loud bang. The Break Room was suddenly filled with all the people Nick had listed and even more!  
  
"Actually," said Agent Culpeper. "That's a pretty good guess, Sidle."  
  
"How did you all get in here?" Greg asked.  
  
"We used a flash light and one of those smoke bombs," said Tammy/Melissa. "The producers' are saving up for sweeps."  
  
"What are you people doing here?" asked Grissom.  
  
"Jeepers Grissom, are you deaf?" said Culpeper.  
  
"Only partially."  
  
"We're getting a way from the point," said Culpeper. "Mr. Grissom, there's something you do not know. I am not an FBI agent."  
  
"I am not an FBI agent either," said Grissom.  
  
Sara snickered and Grissom shot her a smile. For three glorious seconds, it was almost like season two again. There was another blinding flash of light, and instead of the Break Room being full of old extras and discarded UGLIs, it was full of fireflies. There was a scramble and Greg finally grabbed one. It was Culpeper, in miniature. . .with wings!  
  
"We are fairies," it announced in a very high pitched voice. "Emmy fairies. We pick a character from every TV show and swamp them with drama so that he or she will win an Emmy."  
  
The fairy wriggled free and joined its compatriots. They swarmed around Catherine chanting "Emmy, Emmy, Emmy" in that annoyingly high voice. Catherine was swathed in golden light and seemed almost to float above the ground. The carried her out of the room in a cloud of glowing adulation.  
  
"That was unexpected," deadpanned Warrick.  
  
"Ah well," said Grissom, his mouth quirked in a half smile. "There's always season four."  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
A.N. Basically, this story was just an excuse to use the "I am not left handed" joke (The Princess Bride). And the thought of Rick Culpeper as a fairy was just too good to pass up. He, Melissa and Darren are actually on the list Nick highlights. The rest I added using dramatic license.  
  
Thanks to Anya who betaed. Her comments were absolutely classic. 


End file.
